Why Not to Use Kazoos
by Oceanic Others Freak
Summary: AU. One-shot. Set during 2x16: Original Song. The Warblers should really learn to recognize sarcasm when they hear it. Read and Review...please?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. I own my OC Bob the freshman Warbler...who makes a brief appearance, and Bob the Kazoo... :)**

**

* * *

**

**Title: Why Not to Use Kazoos  
****Summary: AU. One-shot. Set during 2x16: Original Song. The Warblers should really learn to recognize sarcasm when they hear it. Read and Review...please?  
****Genre: Humor  
****Rating: T to be safe - mentions of boy/boy kissing  
****Pairing: mentions of Blaine/Kurt  
****Spoilers: 2x16 Original Song**

**Author's Note: ****I want to thank everyone who reviewed and favorited my other one-shot 'When Warblers Eavesdrop'. I can't believe how much positive feedback I got on it - seriously, thank you all so much. I really appreciate it.**

**So David's wonderful comment in 2x16 inspired this little one-shot. **

**And this incredibly random. But the idea wouldn't leave me alone.**

**And now I shall stop rambling so you all can enjoy this.**

**

* * *

**

_"Why don't we just play it on kazoos?"_

He'd meant it to be sarcastic of course, but then he hadn't known that immediately following the Council meeting, Thad would go out to the nearest dollar store and buy a bag of those cheap little toy kazoos (you know the ones you'd normally find in goodie-bags at a five-year-old's birthday), and pass them out to all the Warblers - except Kurt and Blaine, who'd vanished as soon as the meeting ended.

Now he couldn't walk down the hall without hearing Jeff, Trent, or even some of the freshman playing a few lines of _Misery _on those damn things. He could even swear he heard a sophomore playing the chorus of _Raise Your Glass. _How the hell was _that _possible?

"Hey David?"

"What?" he snapped, looking up from his Calculus book.

Jeff actually looked scared. Good.

"H-Have you seen Kurt and Blaine? Thad's been looking for them - they're the only one's who don't have their kazoos -"

"Jeff, do you have _your _kazoo?" asked David tersely. He was reaching his breaking point, and it had only been a few hours.

Jeff reached into his pocket and pulled it out. David eyed the cheap, plastic instrument with distaste. It seemed to mock him as much as Wes did with his obsession over that damn gavel.

He had to go about this carefully...or the insanity would _never_ end.

"Can I see it?"

"Didn't Thad get you your own?"

Of course Thad had, but David had snapped it in half and thrown it in the trash the second he made it back to his dorm. A plan suddenly hatched in David's head.

"Of course." he said smoothly. Jeff had developed an attachment to his kazoo? Oh _hell _no. "Just let me borrow it. Mine's in my dorm. I'll give it back when we practice later, okay?"

"I'm not giving you Bob."

Oh _shit. _He'd _named_ the stupid thing? Fan-freaking-tastic.

David made a mental note to burn every kazoo he was able to swipe from his fellow Warblers.

* * *

"Trent, I can't find my kazoo!"

"Why the hell am I supposed to care? I didn't lose _mine_."

"Let me borrow yours!"

"Nick, there is no way in hell - Oh _shit._"

"What?"

Trent looked frantically through his desk drawer. His kazoo was gone.

"Mine's gone too!"

"Are you serious?"

"Do you really think I'd lie about something like this? Wes is going to kill me!"

"Nah, he'll just beat you senseless with his gavel."

At that moment, Jeff stumbled into the room, looking upset.

"What happened to you?" asked Nick.

"David stole Bob." he said.

"You mean the new freshman? His girlfriend'll be pissed." said Nick.

"Didn't Blaine have a bet going with Thad? _He's _going to be pissed."

"Oh please, the boy is probably eating Kurt's face off right now. I haven't seen them outside of class since the duet vote."

"You sound so confident. Five bucks?"

"Okay but if Blaine hasn't got his head out of his ass by now, then he never will. Loser has to make out with the Warbler of the winner's choice."

"You're disgusting...okay."

"_Would you two get a life?_" shrieked Jeff, "My kazoo is _missing!_"

"Dude, chill!" said Nick. "You look like you're having an episode! Our kazoos are missing too, but we're not throwing tantrums!"

"I'm going to Wes." said Jeff. "and calling an emergency meeting."

He tore out of the room.

Trent looked over at Nick.

"This is why we need to get him a girlfriend."

* * *

Predictably, three people were absent from the Emergency Council Meeting - Blaine, Kurt, and David.

"Order!" shouted Wes banging his gavel down on the table. "Jeff you called this meeting. You have the floor."

Jeff inhaled sharply.

"Since David suggested the use of the kazoos, I've taken to using mine quite a lot, just as I'm sure we all have - "

Several Warblers groaned audibly.

"It's his love of inanimate objects all over again," Nick said in a low voice to Bob, who was staring at Jeff like he'd grown three heads. "Last year he had a severe attachment to a toaster. Shrinks were called. It wasn't pretty."

"- Anyway, David's been acting really weird, and he stole my kazoo. Nick and Trent said theirs are missing too."

"Jeff, all our kazoos are missing," said Wes patiently. "It's not the end of the world."

Jeff stared at him in shock.

David chose that moment to walk in, a trash bag slung over his shoulder. He was humming _California Girls _by Katy Perry. Wes knew this was a bad sign.

"What have you got there, David?" he asked cautiously.

"We are never going to use kazoos again." said David happily.

Jeff let out a yell and dove at the bag, opening it to find a bunch of kazoos, all snapped in half.

And of course at that moment, Blaine and Kurt came skidding into the room. Blaine's tie was loose and Kurt's hair looked uncharacteristically messy. Blaine's blazer was hanging off of one shoulder and Kurt's uniform shirt was unbuttoned at the collar.

"Sorry we're late, Wes -"

"Nice of you two to join us," said Wes, smirking slightly at Blaine and Kurt.

Both boys turned a deep shade of red, and Kurt's hand found Blaine's, clutching it tightly.

"Pay up." Trent said triumphantly. "I'll let you know who you're making out with later."

Nick groaned.

The other Warblers didn't care so much about the kazoo issue...they were too busy cheering because Blaine had finally stopped being an oblivious idiot. Thad reached under the table and pulled out another shopping bag.

More kazoos. Damn it!

As he watched Jeff search through the trash bag for the pieces of his kazoo, David decided he would never use sarcasm in a Council meeting again.

* * *

**Poor Jeff. Bob the Kazoo will be missed.**

**Like I said, totally random...**

**Review? Please? No Flames please.**


End file.
